Beardens' Blog

Accountability & Quality of Days - Choices & Consequences

If you’ve read the previous entries in this series on accountability (and if you haven’t I invite you to do so; they’re short, so go ahead, read them), then you know that I treat accountability as something more than fulfilling obligations or meeting responsibilities. In my work as a speaker, trainer and facilitator, my primary focus is on Leadership, Sales and Customer Service. I am convinced that personal accountability is a prerequisite for success in those three disciplines.

 

Let me begin this entry with the following observation:

 

Personal accountability is not a trait to be developed

Personal accountability is a truth to be acknowledged

 

What that means is that we don’t have to learn to be accountable; we already are.  The extent of our intrinsic accountability—our ownership of the choices we make and of the consequences those choices produce—can be readily seen in the quality of our days.

 

The quality of our days is a two-dimensional phenomenon. There’s the physical dimension (the outside factors we encounter), and the emotional dimension (the feelings we experience). While both dimensions are “in play”, it seems to me that the emotional is the one we ultimately use to assess the quality of our days. When we experience positive feelings, it’s a good day, and when the feelings are negative, the day is bad. Fair enough?

 

Most people in our culture seem convinced that the outside factors they encounter (the physical dimension) cause or create their feelings. These people believe that the quality of their days is an outside-in phenomenon, that they are at the mercy of the outside factors. Sound familiar?

 

Armed with that belief, most people establish “rules” for what must and must not happen “out there” (in the physical dimension) in order for them to have good days (experience positive feelings). Whether we call them “pet peeves”, attachments, aversions or addictions, these “rules” represent choices we’ve made, choices that set us up for some interesting emotional swings.

 

These “rules” range from petty (how many items people ahead of me in the express line can have in their carts) to profound (when and how people are supposed to die). The one thing most of them have in common is that they apply to areas over which we have absolutely no control.

 

That being the case, what’s the one thing we can be absolutely sure of? Our “rules” will be violated; the outside factors will not always conform to the demands we’ve placed on them. And when—not if—that happens the quality of our days (as measured by our feelings) takes a dive, right?

 

I’m not suggesting that the outside factors are unimportant or that they don’t have some impact on us, because they do. What I am suggesting is that the suffering and drama (negative feelings) we associate with the outside factors we encounter is not caused by those outside factors, but by the mental choices we make about them. We don’t have to learn to be accountable for making the mental choices that create negative emotional consequences; we already do all that. To improve the quality of our days, regardless of the hands we’re dealt (the outside factors we encounter) we must acknowledge and improve the mental choices we make about those outside factors.

 

Here’s an assignment for you. I want you to pay attention to your feelings, and when you catch yourself bummed out (angry, frustrated, etc.), I want you to acknowledge the outside factor you’ve encountered, and then I want you to identify which of your “rules” that outside factor has violated. You might pay special attention to any of your “recurring peeves”, situations in which you seem to have lots of “rules” that are frequently violated.

 

That’s it for now. More to follow. Read the earlier blog entries. Do your homework.

Accountability Teachers

Have you heard this one: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears"? Reflecting back on my years at the University of Texas I can tell you that--ready or not--teachers appeared at almost every one of my scheduled classes, even the ones that kicked off at 8am on Mondays. My readiness--or lack thereof--seemed to have little impact on when or if teachers would appear. Could it have been that I misunderstood what the saying meant?

As hard as that might be for your to believe, that was apparently the case. It's only in recent years that I've come to realize that "teacher appears" has nothing to do with who or what shows up in my life, and everything to do with what I notice. Learning life lessons is an inside-out phemomenon; real learning will not occur until the student "is ready". The topic on which I'm focusing in this series of articles provides an excellent example of this inside-out phemomenon at work.

 After years of writing and speaking about Personal Accountability, I realize that I have been "called" to teach something I desperately need to learn. Apparently I'm ready, because teachers are appearing, often in airports.

In a previous blog entry I compared the two perspectives most of us use when processing (assigning meanings to) the people, situations & circumstances we encounter. The Victim Perspective is based on the belief that our feelings are the emotional consequences of what happens "out there" (the people, etc. that we encounter). The alternative, Accountable Perspective, is fueled by the belief that our feelings are the emotional consequences of the mental choices we make (our thoughts) about what heppens "out there".

Back to my airport "classrooms", where I encounter plenty of people, situations & circumstances that differ--often significantly--from what I would prefer. For example, there's the joy of finding myself in the security line behind people who have no clue as to what they can and cannot wear or carry through the metal detector. Who would've thought that rodeo belt buckles, cell phones or ten pounds of jewelery would set off the alarm? And then there's the relief of finally boarding an airplane only to be told that "mechanical issues" have been detected and there will be a "slight delay" while maintenance is called. The only time my second flight leaves on time is when my connecting flight is delayed, even "slightly".

Those and dozens of other airport episodes provide me with opportunities to consider and try an alternative to my old Victim Perspective; they can be--if I'm ready--my teachers. One of the things I've learned is that that I have not been a passive participant in my victimhood. On the contrary, I've been the creator of the drama and suffering I have attributed to what happens "out there". Using the Victim Belief (my feelings are the emotional consequences of what happens "out there"), I've apparently established many "rules" for what and must not happen in order for me to be OK or happy. 

In my next entry I'll offer some thoughts about the barriers to our happiness, and the creators of those barriers. If you'd like a preview of that last part, all you'll need is a mirror.

Accountability - Owning All the Consequences

“It’s the economy, stupid”, is a quote from a former presidential campaign. It is also the explanation many people would give for their current states of mind and emotions. They’re scared, disheartened, frustrated, confused and/or mad as hell, and if asked to explain those feelings, they’d quickly say something like, “It’s the economy, stupid!”

 

OK, let’s be honest; haven’t we all experienced some of those feelings as the news about what’s happening has become worse and worse? I’m not for a minute suggesting that this—or any other setback—should be cause for rejoicing. In fact, I think some appropriate, rational “grieving” is in order.

 

But at some point, we need to progress beyond grieving. If we’re clinging to the mistaken, but powerful Victim belief that our feelings are the emotional consequences of what happens out there, then our responses will likely be some form of abdication; we'll surrender to the outside circumstances.

 

I want to introduce an alternative belief, the one I associate with Accountability. I invite you to compare it to the Victim belief and to consider how these two beliefs will support totally different choices about the circumstances we encounter. Here are the two beliefs:

 

 

In the first—and mistaken—belief, our emotional state is seen as an outside-in phenomenon, determined by what happens out there. Convinced that the fear they experience when faced with troubling times is caused by those times, people clinging to this belief use the duration and intensity of their negative feelings as “evidence” to validate their Victim Belief.

 

In the second—and valid—belief, we awaken to the fact that our emotional state is an inside-out phenomenon. We most certainly will be impacted by the outside factors we encounter, and most of us will experience fear when faced with setbacks. But with this belief, we reduce the duration and intensity of our negative feelings, allowing us to do less “hunkering & hoping” and more looking for ways to win, regardless of the hands we’re dealt.

Accountability & Setbacks - What You Believe is What You'll Get

The outside factors in our lives, the people, situations and circumstances that we encounter do have impacts on us and—in some instances—on our efforts to achieve success. The economic/financial uncertainties we’re currently facing provide examples of circumstances that impact us negatively; we’ll call them setbacks.

 

Here’s something I want you to think about as we move forward in this series on Accountability:

 

 

Some of the most powerful choices we make about those setbacks are the meanings we assign and the power we delude ourselves into thinking that they have over us. The meanings we assign are based on the perspective we use, and the two most common perspectives used to process setbacks are Victimhood and Accountability. Of the two, the former seems to be the one being used more often.

 

Victimhood begins with an underlying belief about the relationship between outside factors and our emotional states. Here’s the underlying belief that supports Victimhood: My feelings are the emotional consequences of what happens out there.

 

Most of us seem to believe that our emotional states are caused by the people, situations and circumstances we encounter; that emotionally, we are at the mercy of those outside factors. Having trouble accepting that as something you believe? OK, here’s a question: Are there people in your life who upset you?

 

If you answered no—and if that is the truth—congratulations. If you answered yes (as almost all of us would), then you’ve just acknowledged a variation on that Victim belief. You are convinced (believe) that those other people can—and do—create your feelings.

 

So how does that belief relate to the current economic/financial circumstances? All of us probably experienced some form of fear as the situation unfolded, but the people operating with the belief that their fear is caused by that situation have continued to “feed” that fear, all the while blaming it on the economy. They’re caught in an “endless thought/emotion loop”, and they are the folks most inclined to “hunker and hope”.

 

Accountability - Choice & Consequences

 I’ve started this series of articles with the following premise: The potential for success does not disappear just because the requirements for success change. What that means is that even in the current economic/financial climate, the potential for individual and organizational success is there. In order to recognize and capitalize on that potential, we must be willing to consider and try alternatives to the status quo. One component of the status quo that bears scrutiny is our perspective.

 

Here’s my spin on perspective:

 

 

Answers to the following question provide examples of perspectives at work: What does it mean to be 60? I’m sure that you’d agree that it pretty much depends on “where you’re looking at 60 from”. For most people under the age of fifty-five, it probably means “old”. For people in their 60’s and beyond, it probably means “young”. It’s the same number, used in the same context and being viewed at the same time by different people; and the different meanings they assign relate to their different perspectives.

 

That same phenomenon is playing out in today’s uncertain economic times. The reactions of different people and organizations reflect the different perspectives they’ve used for processing the circumstances they’ve encountered. Some of them “hunker and hope”, while others look for ways to win.

 

And that brings us back to perspective. The two different approaches to dealing with adversity correspond to what I see as the two most common perspectives being used. Those two perspectives are Victimhood and Accountability, and it seems to me that Victimhood is the more popular.

 

At the beginning of this entry I said that in order to recognize and capitalize on the potential for success that exists—even in troubling times—we must be willing to consider and try alternatives to the status quo. If the Victimhood perspective is the status quo, then the alternative we might consider is Accountability.

 

I’ll be sharing more of my thoughts about the distinctions between these two perspectives, and I’ll end this entry with my definition of Accountability. It goes like this:

 

Accountability

Acknowledged ownership of the choices we make

And of the consequences those choices produce.

ALL the choices and ALL of the consequences

Leadership, Accountability & Winning

The never-ending media focus on everything wrong—or potentially wrong—with everything, seems to lead us to only one plausible conclusion: The sky is falling! OK, I hope you’ll forgive that tongue-in-cheek reference to conditions that are, indeed, troubling.

 

Who among us can quarrel with the fact that the economic/financial landscape has changed dramatically over the past year? I’m hard pressed to think of one industry, association, practice or institution that hasn’t been impacted by the current recession. If we take the rational first step of acknowledging the existing financial circumstances (they are what they are), and stop obsessing and hand-wringing, we’ll be in position to make some better decisions going forward.

 

The decisions we make for dealing with the outside factors that impact us and our efforts to achieve and sustain success are based in part on our perspective. The way we look at those factors, the meanings we assign to them, will ultimately determine just how much impact they have on us. With that in mind, here’s something I offer for your consideration:

 

 

One of the most popular presentations I’m doing for audiences this year is one titled: “Looking for Ways to Win, Regardless of the Hands You’re Dealt”. In that presentation, and in this blog, I’ll share what I see as some of the requirements for winning, especially in “troubling times”.

 

When the circumstances that impact our efforts to achieve success change, so do the requirements for doing so. The things we’ve done to get us to where we are (under different circumstances) may prove ineffective—even irrelevant—under the circumstances we’re encountering now.

 

Three requirements for success transcend changing outside circumstances, but their relative importance does change. They become more important in the face of adversity or difficult circumstances. Those three requirements will be my focus in this series of blog entries; they are:

1. More accountability and less victimhood
2. People who are able and willing to lead
3. The Relentless Search for Better Ways

Leadership, Sales & Customer Service - From the Inside-Out

Earlier in my career as a professional speaker, trainer and facilitator, I “went to the mountaintop” (my office) along with a dear friend, and over a three-day period of relative seclusion we each developed our respective core values and statements of purpose. As a starting entry for my new blog, here’s one of the core values I developed then and continue to rely on when developing my Leadership, Sales and Customer Service materials and presentations:

 

            Self-mastery is the ultimate people skill, and it can only be achieved through             mental training, the long and difficult process of acknowledging and improving             the mental choices we make.

 

Leadership, sales, customer service and many other work-related disciplines certainly qualify as “people skills”, and I am convinced that self-mastery is a prerequisite for acquiring and effectively utilizing the skills associated with those disciplines.

 

And speaking of roles that require people skills, how about parenting? If you’re looking for some real “people skills challenges”, parenting will certainly provide them.

 

One of the things all of those roles have in common is that practitioners’ success is determined by their ability to influence the choices other people make. The core value I’ve developed and shared with you reflects my belief that before any of us can effectively influence the choices others make; we must be willing to acknowledge and improve the choices we make.

 

Success in the people business is an inside-out phenomenon. The things we say and do are the tools we use to influence the choices others make. The point I’m making here is that the things we say and do are based on the mental choices we make about the people and situations we encounter.

 

That’s why improving the mental choices we make is a prerequisite to improving our ability to influence the choices others make. Where Leadership, Sales, Customer Service and Parenting skills are concerned:

 

Self-Mastery Precedes Skills Mastery

Managing a Professional Speakers' Social Media

As the Marketing Director for professional speaker Jim Bearden, CSP, I have found the surge in Social Networking to be an exciting challenge to tackle. After working in this business for 21 years, the thought of reaching so many of you on a frequent basis through the web as we update our information is invigorating! To optimize our presence on the WEB, we have migrated our website to Hubspot and, boy, do I have a lot of work to do!!

We will begin blogging, Tweeting and Facebooking on a regular basis and hope to post useful information to those of you that happen upon our site. Look for articles about Leadership, Accountability, Personal Development as well as the personal tales of Jim Bearden, keynote speaker and road warrior, as he travels around the country speaking at conventions, annual meetings, board meetings, training & kick off sessions, etc. 

Blog entries will be posted by both Jim and myself; Jim 's from the Professional Speakers perspective and mine, as the Marketing Director and Social Media Queen of Bearden Resource Group.

I'd love to hear about your experiences as well so please leave comments!

Enjoy!
Barbara