Posted by Jim Bearden on Wed, Nov 04, 2009 @ 03:38 PM
If you’ve read the previous
entries in this series on accountability (and if you haven’t I invite you to do
so; they’re short, so go ahead, read them), then you know that I treat
accountability as something more than fulfilling obligations or meeting
responsibilities. In my work as a speaker, trainer and facilitator, my primary
focus is on Leadership, Sales and Customer Service. I am convinced that
personal accountability is a prerequisite for success in those three
disciplines.
Let me begin this entry with
the following observation:
Personal accountability is not a trait
to be developed
Personal
accountability is a truth to be acknowledged
What that means is that we
don’t have to learn to be accountable; we already are. The extent of our intrinsic accountability—our
ownership of the choices we make and of the consequences those choices
produce—can be readily seen in the quality of our days.
The quality of our days is a
two-dimensional phenomenon. There’s the physical dimension (the outside factors
we encounter), and the emotional dimension (the feelings we experience). While
both dimensions are “in play”, it seems to me that the emotional is the one we
ultimately use to assess the quality of our days. When we experience positive
feelings, it’s a good day, and when the feelings are negative, the day is bad.
Fair enough?
Most people in our culture
seem convinced that the outside factors they encounter (the physical dimension)
cause or create their feelings. These people believe that the quality of their
days is an outside-in phenomenon, that they are at the mercy of the outside
factors. Sound familiar?
Armed with that belief, most
people establish “rules” for what must and must not happen “out there” (in the
physical dimension) in order for them to have good days (experience positive
feelings). Whether we call them “pet peeves”, attachments, aversions or
addictions, these “rules” represent choices we’ve made, choices that set us up
for some interesting emotional swings.
These “rules” range from
petty (how many items people ahead of me in the express line can have in their
carts) to profound (when and how people are supposed to die). The one thing
most of them have in common is that they apply to areas over which we have
absolutely no control.
That being the case, what’s
the one thing we can be absolutely sure of? Our “rules” will be violated; the
outside factors will not always conform to the demands we’ve placed on them.
And when—not if—that happens the quality of our days (as measured by our
feelings) takes a dive, right?
I’m not suggesting that the
outside factors are unimportant or that they don’t have some impact on us,
because they do. What I am suggesting is that the suffering and drama (negative
feelings) we associate with the outside factors we encounter is not caused by
those outside factors, but by the mental choices we make about them. We don’t
have to learn to be accountable for making the mental choices that create
negative emotional consequences; we already do all that. To improve the quality
of our days, regardless of the hands we’re dealt (the outside factors we
encounter) we must acknowledge and improve the mental choices we make about
those outside factors.
Here’s an assignment for you.
I want you to pay attention to your feelings, and when you catch yourself
bummed out (angry, frustrated, etc.), I want you to acknowledge the outside
factor you’ve encountered, and then I want you to identify which of your
“rules” that outside factor has violated. You might pay special attention to
any of your “recurring peeves”, situations in which you seem to have lots of
“rules” that are frequently violated.
That’s it for now. More to
follow. Read the earlier blog entries. Do your homework.
Posted by Jim Bearden on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 @ 01:46 PM
Have you heard this one: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears"? Reflecting back on my years at the University of Texas I can tell you that--ready or not--teachers appeared at almost every one of my scheduled classes, even the ones that kicked off at 8am on Mondays. My readiness--or lack thereof--seemed to have little impact on when or if teachers would appear. Could it have been that I misunderstood what the saying meant?
As hard as that might be for your to believe, that was apparently the case. It's only in recent years that I've come to realize that "teacher appears" has nothing to do with who or what shows up in my life, and everything to do with what I notice. Learning life lessons is an inside-out phemomenon; real learning will not occur until the student "is ready". The topic on which I'm focusing in this series of articles provides an excellent example of this inside-out phemomenon at work.
After years of writing and speaking about Personal Accountability, I realize that I have been "called" to teach something I desperately need to learn. Apparently I'm ready, because teachers are appearing, often in airports.
In a previous blog entry I compared the two perspectives most of us use when processing (assigning meanings to) the people, situations & circumstances we encounter. The Victim Perspective is based on the belief that our feelings are the emotional consequences of what happens "out there" (the people, etc. that we encounter). The alternative, Accountable Perspective, is fueled by the belief that our feelings are the emotional consequences of the mental choices we make (our thoughts) about what heppens "out there".
Back to my airport "classrooms", where I encounter plenty of people, situations & circumstances that differ--often significantly--from what I would prefer. For example, there's the joy of finding myself in the security line behind people who have no clue as to what they can and cannot wear or carry through the metal detector. Who would've thought that rodeo belt buckles, cell phones or ten pounds of jewelery would set off the alarm? And then there's the relief of finally boarding an airplane only to be told that "mechanical issues" have been detected and there will be a "slight delay" while maintenance is called. The only time my second flight leaves on time is when my connecting flight is delayed, even "slightly".
Those and dozens of other airport episodes provide me with opportunities to consider and try an alternative to my old Victim Perspective; they can be--if I'm ready--my teachers. One of the things I've learned is that that I have not been a passive participant in my victimhood. On the contrary, I've been the creator of the drama and suffering I have attributed to what happens "out there". Using the Victim Belief (my feelings are the emotional consequences of what happens "out there"), I've apparently established many "rules" for what and must not happen in order for me to be OK or happy.
In my next entry I'll offer some thoughts about the barriers to our happiness, and the creators of those barriers. If you'd like a preview of that last part, all you'll need is a mirror.
Posted by Jim Bearden on Wed, Oct 14, 2009 @ 11:24 AM
“It’s
the economy, stupid”, is a quote from a former presidential campaign. It is
also the explanation many people would give for their current states of mind
and emotions. They’re scared, disheartened, frustrated, confused and/or mad as
hell, and if asked to explain those feelings, they’d quickly say something
like, “It’s the economy, stupid!”
OK,
let’s be honest; haven’t we all experienced some of those feelings as the news
about what’s happening has become worse and worse? I’m not for a minute
suggesting that this—or any other setback—should be cause for rejoicing. In
fact, I think some appropriate, rational “grieving” is in order.
But
at some point, we need to progress beyond grieving. If we’re clinging to the
mistaken, but powerful Victim belief that our feelings are the emotional
consequences of what happens out there, then our responses will likely be some
form of abdication; we'll surrender to the outside circumstances.
I
want to introduce an alternative belief, the one I associate with
Accountability. I invite you to compare it to the Victim belief and to consider
how these two beliefs will support totally different choices about the
circumstances we encounter. Here are the two beliefs:
Victim Belief
My feelings are the emotional consequences of what
happens out there
(the people,
situations & circumstances I encounter).
Accountable
Belief
My feelings are the emotional consequences
of the mental
choices I make about what happens out there
(the people, situations &
circumstances I encounter).
In
the first—and mistaken—belief, our emotional state is seen as an outside-in
phenomenon, determined by what happens out there. Convinced that the fear they
experience when faced with troubling times is caused by those times, people clinging to this belief use the duration and
intensity of their negative feelings as “evidence” to validate their Victim
Belief.
In
the second—and valid—belief, we awaken to the fact that our emotional state is
an inside-out phenomenon. We most
certainly will be impacted by the outside factors we encounter, and most of us
will experience fear when faced with setbacks. But with this belief, we reduce
the duration and intensity of our negative feelings, allowing us to do less
“hunkering & hoping” and more looking for ways to win, regardless of the hands we’re dealt.
Posted by Jim Bearden on Mon, Sep 28, 2009 @ 10:57 AM
The
outside factors in our lives, the people, situations and circumstances that we
encounter do have impacts on us and—in some instances—on our efforts to
achieve success. The economic/financial uncertainties we’re currently facing
provide examples of circumstances that impact us negatively; we’ll call them
setbacks.
Here’s
something I want you to think about as we move forward in this series on
Accountability:
The choices we
make about the setbacks we encounter,
will ultimately
prove more powerful (have more impact on us)
than the setbacks themselves.
Some of the most powerful
choices we make about those setbacks are the meanings we assign and the power
we delude ourselves into thinking that they have over us. The meanings we
assign are based on the perspective we use, and the two most common
perspectives used to process setbacks are Victimhood and Accountability. Of the
two, the former seems to be the one being used more often.
Victimhood begins with an
underlying belief about the relationship between outside factors and our
emotional states. Here’s the underlying belief
that supports Victimhood: My feelings
are the emotional consequences of what happens out there.
Most of us seem to believe
that our emotional states are caused by the people, situations and
circumstances we encounter; that emotionally, we are at the mercy of those
outside factors. Having trouble accepting that as something you believe? OK,
here’s a question: Are there people in your life who upset you?
If you answered no—and if
that is the truth—congratulations. If you answered yes (as almost all of us
would), then you’ve just acknowledged a variation on that Victim belief. You
are convinced (believe) that those other people can—and do—create your
feelings.
So how does that belief relate
to the current economic/financial circumstances? All of us probably experienced
some form of fear as the situation unfolded, but the people operating with the
belief that their fear is caused by that situation have continued to “feed”
that fear, all the while blaming it on the economy. They’re caught in an
“endless thought/emotion loop”, and they are the folks most inclined to “hunker
and hope”.
Posted by Jim Bearden on Sun, Aug 02, 2009 @ 02:12 PM
I’ve
started this series of articles with the following premise: The potential for success does not disappear
just because the requirements for success change. What that means is that
even in the current economic/financial climate, the potential for individual
and organizational success is there. In order to recognize and capitalize on
that potential, we must be willing to consider and try alternatives to the
status quo. One component of the status quo that bears scrutiny is our
perspective.
Here’s my spin on
perspective:
The place in mind from where we observe
(gather information)
And process (assign meanings to the things we
observe).
Answers to the following
question provide examples of perspectives at work: What does it mean to be 60? I’m sure that you’d agree that it
pretty much depends on “where you’re looking at 60 from”. For most people under
the age of fifty-five, it probably means “old”. For people in their 60’s and
beyond, it probably means “young”. It’s the same number, used in the same context
and being viewed at the same time by different people; and the different
meanings they assign relate to their different perspectives.
That
same phenomenon is playing out in today’s uncertain economic times. The
reactions of different people and organizations reflect the different
perspectives they’ve used for processing the circumstances they’ve encountered.
Some of them “hunker and hope”, while others look for ways to win.
And
that brings us back to perspective. The two different approaches to dealing
with adversity correspond to what I see as the two most common perspectives
being used. Those two perspectives are Victimhood and Accountability, and it
seems to me that Victimhood is the more popular.
At
the beginning of this entry I said that in order to recognize and capitalize on
the potential for success that exists—even in troubling times—we must be
willing to consider and try alternatives to the status quo. If the Victimhood
perspective is the status quo, then the alternative we might consider is Accountability.
I’ll
be sharing more of my thoughts about the distinctions between these two
perspectives, and I’ll end this entry with my definition of Accountability. It
goes like this:
Accountability
Acknowledged
ownership of the choices we make
And of
the consequences those choices produce.
ALL the choices and ALL of the consequences
Posted by Jim Bearden on Sun, Jul 26, 2009 @ 10:56 AM
The
never-ending media focus on everything wrong—or potentially wrong—with
everything, seems to lead us to only one plausible conclusion: The sky is falling! OK, I hope you’ll
forgive that tongue-in-cheek reference to conditions that are, indeed, troubling.
Who
among us can quarrel with the fact that the economic/financial landscape has
changed dramatically over the past year? I’m hard pressed to think of one
industry, association, practice or institution that hasn’t been impacted by the
current recession. If we take the rational first step of acknowledging the
existing financial circumstances (they are what they are), and stop obsessing
and hand-wringing, we’ll be in position to make some better decisions going
forward.
The
decisions we make for dealing with the outside factors that impact us and our
efforts to achieve and sustain success are based in part on our perspective. The
way we look at those factors, the meanings we assign to them, will ultimately
determine just how much impact they have on us. With that in mind, here’s
something I offer for your consideration:
The potential for success does not disappear,
just because the requirements for success change.
One of the most popular
presentations I’m doing for audiences this year is one titled: “Looking for Ways to Win, Regardless of the
Hands You’re Dealt”. In that presentation, and in this blog, I’ll share
what I see as some of the requirements for winning, especially in “troubling
times”.
When the circumstances that
impact our efforts to achieve success change, so do the requirements for doing
so. The things we’ve done to get us to where we are (under different
circumstances) may prove ineffective—even irrelevant—under the circumstances
we’re encountering now.
Three requirements for
success transcend changing outside circumstances, but their relative importance
does change. They become more important in the face of adversity or difficult
circumstances. Those three requirements will be my focus in this series of blog
entries; they are:
- More accountability and less victimhood
- People who are able and willing to lead
- The Relentless Search for Better Ways
Posted by Jim Bearden on Fri, Jul 17, 2009 @ 10:01 AM
Earlier in my career as a
professional speaker, trainer and facilitator, I “went to the mountaintop” (my
office) along with a dear friend, and over a three-day period of relative
seclusion we each developed our respective core values and statements of purpose.
As a starting entry for my new blog, here’s one of the core values I developed
then and continue to rely on when developing my Leadership, Sales and Customer
Service materials and presentations:
Self-mastery is the
ultimate people skill, and it can only be achieved
through mental training, the long
and difficult process of acknowledging and improving the mental choices we make.
Leadership, sales, customer
service and many other work-related disciplines certainly qualify as “people
skills”, and I am convinced that self-mastery is a prerequisite for acquiring
and effectively utilizing the skills associated with those disciplines.
And speaking of roles that
require people skills, how about parenting? If you’re looking for some real
“people skills challenges”, parenting will certainly provide them.
One of the things all of
those roles have in common is that practitioners’ success is determined by
their ability to influence the choices other people make. The core value
I’ve developed and shared with you reflects my belief that before any of us can
effectively influence the choices others make; we must be willing to
acknowledge and improve the choices we make.
Success in the people
business is an inside-out phenomenon. The things we say and do are the tools we
use to influence the choices others make. The point I’m making here is that the
things we say and do are based on the mental choices we make about the people
and situations we encounter.
That’s why improving the
mental choices we make is a prerequisite to improving our ability to influence
the choices others make. Where Leadership, Sales, Customer Service and
Parenting skills are concerned:
Self-Mastery
Precedes Skills Mastery
Posted by Barbara Bearden on Thu, Jul 02, 2009 @ 12:13 PM
As the Marketing Director for professional speaker Jim Bearden, CSP, I have found the surge in Social Networking to be an exciting challenge to tackle. After working in this business for 21 years, the thought of reaching so many of you on a frequent basis through the web as we update our information is invigorating! To optimize our presence on the WEB, we have migrated our website to Hubspot and, boy, do I have a lot of work to do!!
We will begin blogging, Tweeting and Facebooking on a regular basis and hope to post useful information to those of you that happen upon our site. Look for articles about Leadership, Accountability, Personal Development as well as the personal tales of Jim Bearden, keynote speaker and road warrior, as he travels around the country speaking at conventions, annual meetings, board meetings, training & kick off sessions, etc.
Blog entries will be posted by both Jim and myself; Jim 's from the Professional Speakers perspective and mine, as the Marketing Director and Social Media Queen of Bearden Resource Group.
I'd love to hear about your experiences as well so please leave comments!
Enjoy!
Barbara